Friday, December 19, 2014

Write This Piece: Entries



I got three entries and I must say, I liked them all! But I have to admit my favorite one was Jesseca Dawn's scene. Congratulations, Jesseca, you came in first place!


Seeing how none of these had titles, I titled them for the authors. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! I'm posting them all together.

Jesseca Dawn: Into the Dark Cathedral


Officer Gavrill crept through the dark room. This cathedral is so big you'd get lost without trying. he thought to himself.
Keeping one hand on the pistol in his belt, he fumbled around for the door handle. Finding it, he slowly opened the door. The creaking seemed, to his ears, louder than a gunshot in the resounding stillness.
He jerked the pistol from the holster and quickly entered the adjoining room.
Nothing.
He relaxed and lowered the firearm.
Moving slowly forward, he kept his hand securely against the wall as a guide through the pitch-black room.
His footsteps echoed eerily and the floor creaked and groaned a he walked through the old, abandoned building.
Well, not completely abandoned.
Suddenly, the click of a loaded revolver sounded behind him, echoing in the large, empty room.

So cool and dramatic. I really liked this Jesseca, and I felt it deserved first place. Though shorter than the other two entries, I felt it had a lot of suspense, character and excitement. I really enjoyed this!



In second place, we have Mar17&Oo. Congratulations, Mar!


Mar17&Oo: The Room of Memories


Ezriel glanced behind her before continuing. She couldn’t tell if anyone was following her. You couldn’t be too sure what was lurking around in this part of Aztorc. And after what she’d been through, there was no turning back. She stealthily walked through the hallway. The end of it was just ahead, and she knew what waited there. At the end stood a door, and on the other side of that door stood the past, the present, and the future. Not one warrior had dared to come to this place and enter it for ages. She was about to change that. The door was made of the ancient prisms of the Aztorcians. She’d studied the ancient language of these people as a padawan, and she knew the only way to get through this door was by reciting the password in their language. She pressed her head against the door, and concentrated her mind on it. Quietly she chanted the words that had taken years to memorize. Then taking a step back, she stared at the door as it slowly opened. She took one step in. The light blinded her, she fell to the ground. A voice started talking to her, it knew her name, it wouldn’t stop saying it. “Ezriel, Ezriel,…” She wanted it to stop. She struggled to stand up and open her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t. She felt around with her hands and couldn’t feel anything. Images started flooding into her mind. The voice continued to torment her, “Look, Ezriel, can you see it?” She gasped, she couldn’t breathe. Guilt, shame, sorrow, and fear were overtaking her. The voice kept going, “Do you remember them Ezriel? Do you remember what you did? Ah, do you remember this?”  Then came something she didn’t remember. A little girl standing in a strange world, her mind kept flashing more images of this little girl. It showed her playing and running and exploring in a world that wasn’t familiar to Ezriel. Then it showed her running down a street, screaming as the sky was lit up with explosions. The bombs would land yards away from her and explode, throwing her to the ground as she tried to reach her destination. The girl kept screaming for her mother, and it was terrible for Ezriel to watch. Suddenly, a bomb landed right next to the little girl. She had turned to escape it, but it was too late, the bomb exploded into a huge sucking portal. She had been sucked in and Ezriel couldn’t see her anymore. Ezriel could feel herself shaking, she didn’t figure out who the little girl was until yet another scene flashed into her mind. This time she could tell who the flashback was about. It was about her, and it was when she had woken up in what now had been her home for more than nine centuries. It was then that she figured out who the little girl was in the other images, that little girl was her. The voice started speaking again, it was saying. “Now do you see, Ezriel? That was who you were, this is who you are,” again it showed the pictures of Ezriel’s life from the time she had woken up, to right where she was then. “That’s what happened to you, and this is what will happen to you.” Her mind was getting filled and filled and filled of pictures. They were flashing by so quickly, she saw people she’d seen and people she hadn’t seen. She watched her whole life pass by in seconds, she couldn’t understand it all. She felt herself starting to black out, her head spinning with dizziness.
“Stop, stop!” She covered her eyes.
The room turned black. Ezriel looked around her, the voice and the white light had vanished. Shakily she stood up. Wiping the beads of sweat from her forehead, she whispered. “Ehundi yetgi cumundon.” Turning, she quietly walked out. Walking through the shimmering hallway, she thought of her experience she had just gone through. She had finally been able to get a glimpse at where she had come from. And what would become of her in the future. Now she needed to find the planet that she had come from.


I found this one really scary, intense and leaving me wondering. I realized half way through this was a Star Wars idea, I really thought it was creative and interesting. Thanks for submitting and good job!


And finally we have Rebekah Eddy in third place. I loved your piece as well, Rebekah! Congratulations! :D

Rebekah Eddy: Through the Secret Layer


The narrow alley way was dark. Alison clutched her gun and glanced over her shoulder at her brother. Shawn gave her a reassuring nod. Behind him was Derrick, one of their best friends and the three of them were on a secret mission.
Carefully, Alison peeked out around the edge of brick wall. No one was on the street in either direction, but Alison knew to trust her instincts, and right now they were telling her that danger wasn’t very far away. Warily she eased around the building and shrank into the shadow of the closest doorway. Shawn followed and then Derrick.
“How far is our destination?” Her older brother asked cautiously in a barely audible whisper.
Alison looked down at her GPS. “It should be coming into sight soon.” She paused and studied their route further. “In fact, just around the next corner is the sidewalk that leads to the opening we’re supposed to use.”
Shawn gave her a lopsided grin. “Lead on little sister.”
Alison rolled her eyes. “Oh, be quiet!”
“I don’t like this…” Derrick muttered darkly.
“You were the one who volunteered to go with us!” Shawn softly exclaimed in surprise.
Derrick gave him a look. “I didn’t come on this mission for my health.”
A hint of a smile showed around Alison’s eyes. “Oh?” She asked in a faintly amused voice.
“I couldn’t let you have an adventure without me!” He answered. “I’m your best friend!”
Shawn snorted, and Alison shot him a look of warning. Quietly the three friends crept along the building, taking advantage of every shadow that offered them cover from unwanted attention.
At the next corner, Alison looked around it and slipped around to find herself in another narrow alley. Her brother and Derrick were right behind her. Alison looked up at the empty windows above and around them.
“I don’t like this…” Derrick muttered again.
Shawn sighed. “You already said that.”
Alison turned to the two men. “He’s right.” She admitted. “Something weird is going on.”
“Like what?” Shawn frowned.
“Things have been going just a little too well. We’ve made our way practically across the whole city, and no one has bothered us.”
Derrick nodded. “It smells like a trap.”
“Well, let’s be careful then!” Shawn said. “Proceed with caution.”
Stealthily, the three of them went down the alley until they came to the back of an old mansion, partially in ruins. The soft click of all of them cocking their guns sounded loud and they froze, listening for something, anything, other than silence.
Nothing happened.
All of them let out a sigh of relief. Shawn pulled at some of the loose bricks that surrounded the back door. It didn’t take Derrick and Shawn a lot of time to take out the bricks and create an opening. One after another they slipped through and clicked on their flashlights.
The inside of the mansion was dark and they could see clouds of dust rise in the beams of their flashlights as they walked across the rotting floor boards. Alison glanced down at her GPS again and suddenly, soundlessly pointed to a door on the far side of the room. Shawn and Derrick exchanged nods and charged at the door. It gave way so easily that both of them tumbled into the room beyond.
Immediately, they jumped up and flashed their lights around the room. It was empty. Not only was it empty, but it looked as if it hadn’t been used in a long time. Confused, Alison looked down at the map again. Wasn’t this the place? All the directions agreed that it was…but they had also been certain that this place had been recently and actively used for years.
Suddenly, a gun cocked from behind her. Alison spun around.
“Looking for something?” A rough voice asked.
Alison desperately hoped that her brother and Derrick hadn’t been seen. After all, hadn’t they busted through the door?
“I was trying to find a place to sleep for the night.” She answered bravely, her mind racing to come up with a reasonably believable story. Slowly, silently, she eased her flashlight out of sight.
“With a gun?” The voice laughed harshly. “Nothin’ doin’ girl. There ain’t no way Big Pete’s gonna believe that hoax. Hand the pea shooter over or you’re gonna get a bellyful of lead.”
Big Pete! The gangster? So they had come to the right spot! Wordlessly, Alison put the safety on her gun and carefully set it down on the floor.
“Ok, Harry, pick it up and hand it to me.” The voice continued. A bug hulk of a man stepped out from the shadows and picked up the gun. His eyes glinted cruelly and Alison shivered.
“What are you going to do to me?” She asked, though dreading the answer.
“Well, now, I dunno. It depends on how you behave yourself.” Big Pete answered slowly.
“What do you mean?” Now Alison was stalling, trying to give her brother and Derrick more time. Any time.
The gangster laughed. “It depends on how well you answer the questions I ask you.”
“May I ask you one?” Alison said.
There was a pause. “Sure.” Big Pete replied finally. “But I might not answer it.”
Alison took a deep breath. “How many of you are there?”
Another pause. Alison breathed a quick prayer, and then turned her flashlight on, sweeping it across the room. It illuminated three men. Big Pete, the big hulk of a man Harry, and thinner, sallow faced man.
“She’s got a light!” the cry of alarm came from Harry.
With perfect timing, Shawn and Derrick leapt from behind the broken door where they had ducked when Alison had gotten caught. Being by far the strongest, Shawn took on Harry. Derrick dove for Big Pete’s legs and brought him down in a beautiful tackle. Alison went for the thin man; after all, she hadn’t been talked into play fighting and wrestling matches with her brother for nothing!
The thinner man was easy to knock over, but he was wiry, and a little on the slippery side. Alison had her work cut out for her trying to stay on top of him. Grabbing at her handcuffs, Alison slipped them over the man’s wrists and snapped them shut. As if he knew it was useless to keep fighting, the thin man immediately stopped struggling. The hate in his eyes when she saw him watch her tie up his legs sent shivers down her spine.
Shawn had just finished tying his man up when Alison walked over.
“Are you ok?” She asked worriedly looking him over for any serious wounds.
Shawn shrugged manfully, wiping away the blood from a cut on his cheek. “Naw…” he answered cheerfully. “This guy was easy.”
Alison turned to her friend. “And you?”
Derrick stood up. “He messed up my hair.” He said sorrowfully. “And I won’t look half so good with a black eye.”
Alison swallowed a smile. Shawn snorted sarcastically. “I don’t think a fight could mess up your hair. You use too much gel.”
Alison held up her hands. “Alright, enough. We’ve got to finish our mission. We don’t know if Big Pete has more men somewhere near.”
The guys nodded. Quickly they went back to the room and searched it. Under a dust covered dresser they found what they had been sent to find.
Enough evidence that Big Pete and all his gang were part of the National Illegal Drug Distributors (NIDD). Derrick put on gloves and gently slipped the evidence into a padded bag.
Standing up, the trio shook hands.
“We did it again.” Shawn grinned in relief.
“Don’t we always?” Derrick said smugly.
“Guys…”Alison smiled.

This was actually really great, Rebekah. You came closer than anyone else to what the original song was about. (Not kidding, the original soundtrack was created for a mobster character named Elias, but your version of a gangster was a lot more threatening than the version the soundtrack was made for.) I really enjoyed the suspense and the bantering. Thanks for submitting!

Originally I was going to write a piece as well, but my time has been spent writing a fun Christmas story to share. I think you'll all enjoy it.


Well everyone, should we do another post like this? I have many, many more soundtracks we could write off of. If you'd like to do that, leave a comment below and let me know. Hope you enjoyed these wonderful pieces our friends wrote! :)

9 comments:

  1. Yes, we should do it again! :)
    I had a lot of fun!!!

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    1. Thanks so much for doing this!!
      And, wow, first place! I never would have guessed :)

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    2. Yes. I liked your piece the best because I felt like you really put a lot of thought into it. :) It seems everyone wants to do this again, so I think it's a go! :D

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  2. Totally do this again! I had a blast writing my story, and that's so funny that I got it close to the original... :)

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    1. Yes! The original gangster was named Elias, and I must say, he was hilariously lame. I mean they were trying to make him all cool and stuff, but every time he showed up we laughed so hard. We couldn't picture him as a bad guy, he was just too soft-spoken and nerdy. Your bad guy was better, believe me. ;)
      Glad you enjoyed it! It's a go, we're doing it again!

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  3. Do it again so that I can try to enter! These winners were super! Great job!

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    1. We're going to do it again, yes! :D

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  4. MARr17&Oo12/19/2014

    I enjoyed it :) Thank you for creating this idea. And i vote to do it again! :)

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for reading my blog, and I hope you enjoyed this post! If you have any comments or thoughts you'd like to share I'd love to hear from you! But do be thoughtful of others and please, no swearing or badmouthing, or I'll have to delete the comment. Thank you!