Raindrops

"What if your blessing come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if the trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise."
-Laura Story

That's a song I love that's gotten me through some hard times. Times that I shudder to think about repeating again, but that have shaped me in this last year more than I can even begin to account for.
I've always felt like I was a pretty Godly young woman. I prayed, I read my Bible pretty often, I wasn't rebellious or mean. I looked good on the outside.
But since late August God has been shaping me into something new, something more beautiful. The refiner's fire hurts really bad, but the outcome is so worth it. I feel like I've come closer to him as I faced these trials, as I watched others dragged through the dirt in such awful ways I can't even begin to understand why. I've seen people wreck their lives. It's been a hard last half year or so. I actually ended up with a bit of an anxiety problem from it, bad enough that I was terrified of everything. I'm not really a fearful person. It was awful. Thank God I'm coming to the end of that, he's helped me through some things I thought I wouldn't be able to face.

God's taught me so many things, and one of those lessons that sticks clearly in my mind is He's always got a reason. No matter what, my blessings will come, even if they come in raindrops.

Rylee and I

I'd like to share one of those blessings with you.

I mentioned in several of my posts how I was working with a Thoroughbred named Rylee. Rylee was one of the biggest horse projects I ever took on, he needed a lot of work. And I gave it to him, two years of it. He turned out to be a quiet and calm partner, loved kids and willing to do anything I asked. I turned quite a few heads when I rode him, I remember hearing people say, "That girl can get Rylee to do anything. He trusts her more than anyone else."
That's a huge complement to a beginning horse trainer. I was thrilled.
In my heart I thought I wanted Rylee as my own horse. He was a lesson horse at a barn I volunteered at, and with all the work I put into him there was talk that I might get him as my own horse. I wanted him so badly, I spent many a night praying and crying out to God to give him to me.

Bodie and I

Last Spring I began to train a new horse, his name was Bodie. I've known Bodie since I was ten years old, he was my neighbor's horse down the road. He was one of those horses who hadn't been ridden much in his life, and at sixteen was convinced he was only two. His owner couldn't ride because of her back, and so she asked me to train and ride him for her. I was happy to comply, I had always enjoyed Bodie and couldn't wait to begin working with him.
Over last summer and fall I worked both Rylee and Bodie. I still had my heart set on owning Rylee; though I enjoyed Bodie he wasn't exactly what I wanted. The funny thing was, one day my mom asked me, "If you had to choose between Bodie and Rylee as a horse you could own, who would you choose?"
"Rylee," I said right off.
"Why?"
"Because Rylee trusts me. Bodie is great, but he has a mind of his own. Rylee does whatever I want him to do, and he loves me."
"Does Bodie love you?"
"Naw, we're just friends."
Three more times that summer I was asked why I didn't consider owning a horse like Bodie instead. I was firm on my answer, "No. I want Rylee." I'd put two years into that horse, I wanted him as my own.
I'd even worked out the details, Rylee would live at the neighbor's house with Bodie, and I'd have both to work with. My neighbor agreed, she said Rylee could stay. I had it all figured out, I knew this was what I was supposed to have. By my eighteenth birthday and high-school graduation I was sure I'd have my own horse.

And that's when my whole world turned upside down.

Part 2 to come in a couple days.