Goodbye, Old Friend


To say the least, the last several months have been trying. Hard. Difficult.

But also filled with lots of blessings I never would have dreamed or expected.

Since my last post in June (or was it July?), I have since gotten most of my food allergies under control and confirmed, which has been a huge blessing and a praise to the Lord that we now know why I was so sick. Yet, today, the reason I come back to you after such a long absence is because it is time to say farewell to a major part of this blog.
Bodie doing his favorite thing---sticking his nose
where it doesn't belong!


This past week, my "Baby Bowdie Bow Bar Boy" has passed on.

You all know that Bodie has been instrumental in my life, he has been there with me through the last four years I've owned him and longer. He has taught me so much about myself, about horses, and most importantly, about the Lord above we serve. Bodie has been my adventuring partner, my best friend, and he was always there for me.

This past Spring I made the decision to retire Bodie from riding once I realized how much his arthritis was bothering him. Dear ol' Bodie refused to believe he was in pain, he simply kept pushing through it and wanting to run anyway. It was one evening that I was riding that I could feel his shoulders cringing from the weight on his back, and yet he kept cantering like nothing was wrong with him. I got off that evening with a heavy heart and knew it was time to call it quits, I wanted Bodie around as long as possible.
Bodie loved playing on his tire. It was
his favorite thing to do.

This summer, due to my work, my own personal life and the fact Bodie couldn't go out on walks without limping led me to spend not nearly enough time with him. I wish I had, but looking back I also see I was pretty distracted with some major things going on that kept me fairly busy. All the while, I noticed Bodie seemed just a little worse off, he limped just a little more, he seemed a little less peppy.
Bodie was such a willing mover and loved to canter and go fast. He collected so well and enjoyed a good ride as much as I did.


Throughout October it was becoming increasingly obvious Bodie was starting to have trouble getting up and down. I found marks on his knees that I found quite suspicious, if I was correct these marks were from trying to get up after laying down. I called the vet out to ask some questions, and he confirmed the things I was worried about. Bodie's arthritis had spread to all of his legs and it was to the point not even medication would help, other than to make him comfortable.
Bodie loved being roped. Don't ask why, he loved being roped,
he found it hilarious!


I was going to buy the medication, and try to pull him through the winter, when last week as my dear friend Luka and I sat outside watching the sunset, we noticed Bodie leaning on the fence.

"He's leaning on the fence because he can't support his back legs," I whispered as I realized what I was watching.


Luka trying to convince Bodie he has no more treats.
Bodie didn't quite believe him though. ;) The "boys"
got along very well.
Bodie was literally leaning his backside against the fence so his back legs could tilt up a little, and he was struggling to hold his balance. It was then that I knew I couldn't try to pull him through the winter. It wasn't fair, he was doing poorly. He couldn't even support himself correctly.

I have been so blessed to spend so much time with my baby Bowdie Bow Bar Boy, to have so many fond and good memories with him. And to have such a wonderful family, neighbors and friend to support me when we took him to the vet this past Tuesday to have him put down. That morning I convinced myself not to cry, I couldn't cry in front of Bodie or he would get upset. And even though I was taking my horse to what felt to me an awful lot like his doom, that morning Bodie just seemed to tell me it was time.

He could hardly walk when I called him over to load him up in the trailer, his legs were bothering him so much. We loaded him up and took separate vehicles to follow the trailer up, my sister riding with her boss who had come to help us out by picking Bodie up, Luka and I in his truck and the neighbor who had given me Bodie following in her vehicle. We arrived at the clinic and unloaded Bodie, and to my surprise he didn't fuss about the other horses around or try to call for horsie friends, he simply stood there quietly and sniffed the ground, occasionally pawing at the pavement to be ornery.
Getting some last photos with Bodie on Monday. He wasn't very cooperative,
though I tried my best. He was attempting to bite the camera in this one.

But he was quiet. He was tired. He was in pain, and he was done.

I am glad God gave me those little confirmations I was doing the right thing, I was so worried I'd have reservations, that I would feel like I'd done the wrong thing, or worse, what if I had done the wrong thing?
Bodie was always very regal in pictures. He
was probably the most photogenic horse I knew.

But as we had Bodie sedated and had him led to where he needed to stand, I could just tell by looking into his quiet, sleepy eyes that he was done.

I didn't stay for when Bodie was euthanized, I was too afraid I'd get upset and traumatized if Bodie were to fall and jerk around. So when the vet told me it was time to go, I hugged my Bodie monster good bye and he sorta rubbed his head against me a little.

"Be a good Bodie monster," I told him as cheerfully as I possibly could, and followed Luka back to the truck.


Bodie and his best friend, Rylee. These two were best buds
from the minute the met, they never fought. <3
It was only until we were down the driveway that I could finally start crying. I was later told it was then that Bodie slipped away peacefully and didn't panic or suffer at all.

I will miss my Bodie boy so much. I have decided not to get another horse at this time, I just don't see it as a good idea or the right time in my life to be thinking about another horse. And besides, there will only be one Bodie in my mind, and he was my first horse.

And for now, my only horse.

I will miss you, Bodie, so much. You were my protector, my fellow adventurer, and I was your girl. We got into a lot of trouble together, we didn't get along all the time, but we never gave up, did we? We dreamed and we dreamed big, and for the most part we accomplished those dreams. You took me to the mountains I always dreamed of riding, you and I did our first competition together, and you showed me what it meant to overcome fear and to persist like I had never persisted before.

Thank you for the adventures, Bodie.  I hope you're enjoying your gallop in the never ending pasture, free of pain, where you can buck and neigh and be silly to your heart's delight. Don't terrorize everyone too much, okay?

Thank you for everything. I love you so much. Farewell, old friend. <3



Bowdie Bow Bar
1997-2017


Spring of 2009                              Fall of 2017

Comments

  1. Sweet Bodie boy! I'm soooo sorry for your loss Emily!
    I know loosing your best friend is hard. :'(
    We've been praying for you!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Tiffany. <3 I really appreciate it. :)

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  2. This...oh, Emily. Praying so much for you and your family right now. I wish I could give you a hug. <3 I guess for now my prayers will have to suffice. I wish so much I could have met Bodie in person, but I guess that wasn't in Gods plans. Love you so, so much. <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you sooo much, Rebekah. I wish you could have met him too, but the stories will have to suffice. Thank you.

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  3. I'll be praying for you, Emily! I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you said that your health issues are clearing up though. You can make it through! Just trust God.

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  4. Melissa11/10/2017

    This was beautiful, Emily. I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. I've been praying for you this week and will keep praying for you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you sooo much, Melissa. I hope to see you sometime and thanks for the prayers. :)

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  5. Dear Emily, I understand your love for your Bodie and I know he would be saying thank you for loving him enough to set him free from the pain, Reading your post brought tears to my eyes-I used to ride, but for those of us who love animals(cats or dogs etc)and have to make that choice it is heart wrenching. I know the Lord will mend your heart.
    Hugs, Noreen Taylor

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you sooo much, Noreen, I really appreciate it and your note was very special to me, particularly knowing you from the stories my mother has told me about you. So thank you so much. <3

      Delete
  6. I can only imagine how hard this has been for you.
    This post made me cry. Not joking. I'm praying for you, dear friend! <3
    I know God will heal your heart. Just keep on trusting Him!
    Very much wuvs to you! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you sooo much, Megs, I really appreciate it. <3

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  7. Aww, I'm so sorry for your hurt, Emmy! *hugs* Praying for you! <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Faith, it means a lot to me!

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  8. I was literally crying as I read this post. :'( I'm so so sorry, Emily. Losing a dear friend like Bodie is so difficult, especially when you have to make that decision. At times like that the only thing I can cling to is my firm stand that our pets will be in heaven. :)

    I know this is strange because I never had the honor of meeting Bodie, or even you in person, but Bodie has held a special spot in my heart too. I don't know if you remember, but your story of how you got him is what helped me through a very similar situation and that's how I got to connect with you.

    I've loved seeing your pictures with and of Bodie through the years, and hearing all your fun stories with him. You had some great adventures together. I can't quite express how sorry I am for your loss. Bodie was an amazing horse for you, and I can't wait to meet him in heaven! I'm sending prayers your way, Emily! ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you a lot for your lengthy note, Bethany, and I do remember that's how we met. Thank you for praying for me and the continued prayers and for caring so much about Bodie, he meant so much to so many people. So thank you. <3

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  9. Anonymous11/12/2017

    I am so sorry. Bodie was more than a horse to you, he was your best friend. Nothing any of us can say right now will make it feel better (in fact, we often make it worse). I lost an animal of my own this week, and through it I've realized that no words of condolences can soothe the agony of them not being there anymore. The pain will eventually go, but the sadness every time you think of them remains for a while longer. I believe God allows us to have that because it forces us appreciate what we have currently and what we have to look forward to instead of focusing on what we've lost. Someday, all of the pain and sadness will be gone. Stay strong.

    --KF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, KF, it means really a lot to me. Everything, the prayers and your words. And understanding sometimes there are no words, though I appreciate them just knowing people care and are sorry means so much. So thank you. <3

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  10. Oh, Emily! This was a heart-wrenching but such a mature post. (And the picture of you and Bodie in 2009 is priceless!) Thank you for personally emailing me the link so I could read it, since I'm so busy I rarely have time to read blog posts, even from my friends.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading, Susan, and for commenting and being a part of my life. I'm so glad you got to meet Bodie a couple years back so that you knew him. :) It means a lot. Thank you! <3

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  11. Aaron McConnell11/17/2017

    I love what you made here for Bodie. Is having wuvs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is having wuvs for yo too, big brother. <3 Thank you. <3

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