Hijacked!... Allegedly

*Emily is sitting watching My Little Pony with little sister. A figure steals across the floor, surprisingly quiet for how large he is. He stops behind the two girls, neither see him. He then eyes the TV in interest, but his true motive is still at hand. He slips from the living room to the kitchen where the laptop is standing and-*

“Ruslan Ivanovich Petrov what are you doing?”

Why Emily, I am merely looking at your computer. What is big problem?

“Big problem! Ruslan, you’re not just looking at my computer you have it open and you have… my blog open?”

Allegedly, my dear.

“No. This is not “allegedly” you have it open and I can see it with my own eyes! I’m not blind, Ruslan!”

Allegedly. *Smirks*

“No. No no no no no and no you are not doing whatever you’re going to do!”

Ah, but Emily, you have let Gerhard use computer before. Why do I get treated with such bad treatment? You should let your friend Ruslan be privileged to use such accommodations as well.

“That makes no sense and no, I didn’t let him use it he literally took it from me, like you’re doing right now.”

Allegedly.

“What do you mean allegedly!”

I asked you, didn’t I?

“But-”

Therefore I didn’t take it, I am asking and so you should be happy with me. You can still deny me access to your computer, though it would be very sad and make Ruslan feel unloved.

“Unloved!”

Da, it is true. It would prove that I am not your friend even after years of sacrifice on my part in making sure you were well cared for and alive and kicking.

“Whhhaaa Ruslan that would be the work of Jake and then Aichear, along with a dozen other characters before you even came along. You’ve only been here for like what, a year? Less than that, I have the record for when I first came up with your character idea- it was after May of last year!”

I feel I still have big part to play in the fact you’re not dead.

“...I’m not even going to answer that.”

So you admit it?

“No I just don’t want to respond to you. I’m leaving.”

Okay, that is fine. Have fun watching Pony show.

“No wait that means you’re just going to use my laptop, doesn’t it?”

Only with your permission. I’ll still be sad if you said no. And feel quite betrayed.

“You’re guilting me, aren’t you?”

Allegedly.

“Aughhh fine Ruslan. What are you even going to write?” *Scoots into a chair next to Ruslan* “Heyyy are you even planning on doing something? This better not have anything to do with your Soviet Russia jokes you and Vaughn are so fond of. Which by the way I think you need to spend a little less time around that guy you’re a bad influence on him.”

Nyet, nyet, Emily, I want to write blog post like Gerhard. About myself. As an introduction.

“Ehhhh… okay fine just don’t give anything away or you’re in huge trouble. Please add in to my readers I just finished editing the first volume of the Mornellys and will start my manuscript formatting and editing soon!”

It will all be alleged of course. I will not give anything away. Allegedly.

“Grrr your favorite word in the whole world.”

Don’t you mean… allegedly?

“Okay fine write your post I’m leaving I was watching a movie before you interrupted me so goodbye. Don’t write anything questionable and be sure you don’t freak anyone out. You’re good at that, you know.”

I am aware of that.

“I’m watching you, Ruslan…”

*Ruslan waits until Emily exits the kitchen. Then turns to the counter where she’d set her laptop.*

Greetings, readers! It is big honor for me to talk to you. My name, as been stated before by my dear, dear friend Emily, is Ruslan Ivanovich Petrov. I am from Rossiya, well, sort of. I am really from all over place, but that matters little to you, I assume.

You may have heard of me from my wonderful and dear friends the Mornellys. They are such good people, I especially care for little Aileen. She is so cute and adorable, I must say that if I could I’d adopt her on the spot. She would have good home with me.

But alas her brothers decided to keep her so I cannot. That is okay. I have a daughter of my own, her name is Olga Ruslanovna Petrova, she is from Rumyniya. She is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, even though technically she is not my daughter, I adopted her. She is such sweet girl, and a girl after my own heart. She learned well from her tyatya Ruslan, if I do say so myself.

Let’s see, what else can I tell you without incurring the wrath of Emily? I am actually CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION and-

That is strange. Why did it censor out? Hmm…

Greetings, Bran. You have come to help me write, da?

*Bran has appeared in the kitchen, arms crossed and glaring but also seeming a bit… nervous? That can’t be right, why would he be afraid?*

“What are you doing, Ruslan?”

I have gotten permission to write story on Emily’s blog. You come to watch me?

“No I’ve come to put a stop to it. Anything you write is either going to be a pack of lies or you’re out to steal something, be it the computer or something off of it.”

That is very offensive. You should learn to be polite from Aileen.

*Appearing out of nowhere, like they usually do, comes Breandan and Aichear. Aichear is glaring (worse than usual, gasp!), and Breandan is also glaring? How strange!*

Oh, more Mornellys! Zdravstvuyte! I am honored to see you come and watch me write!

“No.”

“What Aichear means to say, Ruslan, is this is not acceptable and we’re not going to let you steal Emily’s things simply because she doesn’t know how to say no to you.”

*From other room*

“I heard that and that’s not the case I just didn’t want to argue with him anymore!”

Me, steal? Allegedly.

*Bran snorts* “Sure.”

“Leave, Ruslan.”

Aichear, you are going to go counter to what Emily has permitted? I do not think that is allowed, she is creator of stories, da?

“Oh gosh Ruslan your English is terrible!” *Bran is dying from lack of correctness on the part of Ruslan but that’s no surprise* “And there’s three of us here, that is reason enough for you to listen to what we’ve said.”

I do not listen to anyone.

*Breandan rolls his eyes* “We’ve noticed.”

Anyways, readers, before I was interrupted by my friends who are so nice and kind to me, I was going to tell you that CENSORED. CENSORED. AND YES THIS IS CENSORED, TOO, BECAUSE RUSLAN IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

Hmmm, I am seeing a pattern. You are censor my work, da?

“Correct.”

Well that is a bit rude. *Ruslan stands up, Breandan steps back, Bran hesitates and Aichear puts a hand to his glasses but he looks like he’s a bit unsure* Maybe we go for walk outside, da?

*All together* “Ehh…”

“Okkkaayyy I think that’s enough writing for today, Ruslan! Thanks for coming by and I’ll be sure and post it to the blog and you can be happy about that, alright? Now let’s not fight and get along, right everyone? Last thing we want is a fight…” *Emily shuts the laptop with a smile and pats Ruslan on the shoulder.* “Thank you for your contribution!”

*Ruslan rests a massive hand on Emily’s shoulder, she’s dwarfed by his size* “You are welcome, Emily. I am glad you let me write a blog post…. Allegedly.”

*Groans from the others, big surprise*

END.

...Allegedly.

P.S. So I got this email in my inbox the other day...

Apparently Ciarán is now writing promotional emails for Etsy. I'm worried how long he'll keep that job...