Thursday, May 21, 2015

"Hijacked!"

Hello everyone! Today, I wanted to tell you some exciting news about Red Crisis. To begin, I'm almost-

Wham!

Nicolai! Quick, jump on the keyboard! Yes, that keyboard! Now, write down every word I say so we can get this done before Warren shows up. Yes, every word. NO! Not the words I said before about the keyboard- are you still writing? Stop it! No, I... yes, I did say every word but I didn't mean literally, I meant when I began talking. Yes, I'm talking. Now stop it!
Oh never mind. Let's get down to business.



Dzherri Alexandrovich Kalasky. Copyright © 2015
by Melissa McConnell.
Greetings, young internet users. I am here to inform you that Emilia- or, Emily, I guess- is not doing her post today, and probably never again. Things have a way of, shall we say, changing? And I plan to make this change permanent.

You have no idea what it's like to be a villain in an imaginary world. Or perhaps you do, if you are a villain from an imaginary world reading this post. I don't know how many other characters ever make it to the real world. Trust me, the real world is far better than the imaginary one.

Why? Well, I'll tell you why. Imagine living your whole life in Russia. You've endured the cold winters, the muggy summers. You've grown up, you have risen amongst the ranks of the government and finally secure a position as an ambassador. You've traveled to the United States, you command respect from all your comrades, you are feared by everyone.

Then bam! You're thrown into a chaotic, modern, flashy world that makes no sense and are informed you're not real and everything you know isn't real. Never you lived in 1980s Russia, that wasn't the real 1980s Russia. It was fake!

Can you see now why I am mad? Plus, why would I want to go back to my land when this modern, real world has so much to offer? Like the internet. Nicolai and I greatly approve of the internet. So much information at your finger tips. So much power. Oh, you think I sound like a stereotypical villain? Forget what Emilia- or, as you know her, Emily- says, she knows nothing! She's simply a child who is the age of an adult. Very immature, wild, and laughs far too much. Her character Emilia, annoying as she is, is far better than she is. I take Emilia over Emily any day.

Besides, I'm not your typical villain. I'm a high-level ambassador to the UN. I organize crime on the side, create a invisible paper trail and watch as the world's best agencies can never pin me down on any of the problems I've caused. That's power. Oh, they know I do it, but they can't prove it. Dzherri Alexandrovich Kalasky is a hard opponent indeed. There is no one who has yet been able to match wits with me and come out alive.

Don't ask about Jack. Or Emilia. Stop thinking about it, or I will personally show up at your house and pulverize you. Or run you through with my sword. Take your pick, I am a wonderful swordsman.

What is that? What? Nicolai, I do believe Warren has arrived. You stay here while I finish this off. I have a bone to pick with that man...

Farewell, you readers. If you don't ever see another blog post from your dear Emilia- Emily- again, rest assured that means you'll never hear from her again. Do svidaniya, children. Remember, whatever character you create may very well just come and try to end you later on. I am living proof.

Now, time to take care of a little problem called Warren...

*Silence* *Crickets Chirp*

Hello. My name is Nicolai Igorovich Dobzhansky. You may call me Nicolai. I work for Dzherri. I am the one who typed this message for Dzherri, because he doesn't know how to use a computer. I like computers. I like technology.

To clear some things up, Miss Emily is fine and will survive. Dzherri's plans to kill her never work. Mr. Jacob Craig or Mr. Aichear Mornelly will come to her rescue, if not one of her other heroes. She has many of them. Also, most of what Dzherri says is true. No one has ever caught him. But as a side note, I make the paper trail invisible. I'm the secretary. I do most of that work. Dzherri thinks up the plans, I make them happen.
Nicolai Igorovich Dobzhansky. Copyright ©
2015 by Melissa McConnell.

One other thing- Jack Schneider is the son of Alfred Schneider, and Dzherri cannot stand Jack. Jack is with the CIA and has managed to elude every plan Dzherri has made to kill him. Jack's the agent who is trying to prove Dzherri guilty of all the organized crimes Dzherri is behind. And Emilia is a little girl that is like Jack's sister, basically. Dzherri doesn't care about her, except for the fact she managed to slip out of his hands and get away from him. That makes him mad. So, unless you have a hero to save you, please don't make him mad. I like kids. I don't like it when Dzherri goes after kids.

Well, I must go. Warren and Dzherri are in a full-out fight right now. I should separate them. Good bye. Do svidaniya. Farewell. Adieu. 

Have a good day.


*Twenty minutes later*

"NICOLAI! YOU TOLD THEM ABOUT JACK? I am going to kill you!"

"I think that would be hard to do, sir."

"What do you mean, hard to do? I have a sword right he... okay, now I don't have a sword."

"Here's your sword."

"Ah, yes, thank you. I don't know how I'd ever find anything without you to show me where they are. Now where was I- oh yes! I will pulverize you!"

"Okay."

"You are no fun, you know that?"

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Fantastic. Brilliant. Now I can't kill you because you're not on your knees begging for your life. Fine. Go and do my paperwork."

"Yes, sir."

*This concludes our hijack for the day*

34 comments:

  1. Wow, I loved this post!! I hope you'll do more "Hijacked" posts!!
    I agree with what Dzherri said about "being careful what bad-guy characters you create because they could come and try to kill you later on." It so true! At the very least they will haunt you!
    Also, I've decided that I LOVE Nicolai as a character! He sounds amazing! Like a very nice bad guy. . .and I love those kind of characters! :D (Not that I'm saying you aren't an amazing character as well in your own way, Dzherri!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/22/2015

      Ah, yes, Miss Jesseca. We've dealt with you before. Rest assured that the hijacks will not stop here. Refer to the page I had Nicolai create:
      http://emilybmcconnell.blogspot.com/p/hijacked.html
      And my ability surpasses Nicolai any day, I'll have you know! Good save at the end, otherwise I would have come after you...

      Delete
    2. Nicolai5/22/2015

      Thank you for noticing me, Miss Dawn. You are very kind. I appreciate it.

      Delete
    3. AHHH! Dzherri! Nicolai! How could you???
      Sheesh... I thought it was weird when I woke up at seven this morning and couldn't remember what I did last night. I went to work, came home, and then this! Dzherri, something bad is going to happen to you!
      Jesseca, don't encourage them! We don't need anymore of my characters knocking me out and taking over my blog!

      Delete
  2. How cute! I looove for it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/22/2015

      Cute is not the word I'd use to describe our great efforts! How dare you call our great scheme "cute". Nicolai, I want this person on our list of people we're going to deal with!

      Delete
    2. *Sighs* I will make sure he doesn't get to you, Bethany. He gets insulted easily. Like, REALLY easily...

      Delete
  3. This was so creative! Love it! ;)

    ~Lydia~ <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/22/2015

      I approve that you approve. Wise choice.

      Delete
    2. Don't encourage him, Lydia... ;)

      Delete
  4. Wow. That was...brilliant!
    Bravo, hijackers! ;)
    Oh, and those drawings are great! Good job Melissa! :D (Emily, is she self-taught?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/22/2015

      Well I'm glad someone applauds our efforts. We shall not come after you, Megs.

      Delete
    2. MEGS! Why is everyone encouraging this bad behavior of Dzherri and Nicolai? I suffered a headache from this! Augghhhh...
      Oh, and yes, Melissa is a self-taught artist. Isn't she wonderful? She did the pictures in "Goldtown Adventures" and "Tales from the Circle C Ranch." When she gets her website up and running I'll post a link here on my blog. :)

      Delete
    3. Dzherri - Thanks, that's a relief!

      Emily - Opps....sorry! I guess I'm like you, and also like bad guys... :P
      I hope your headache is gone now... ;)
      Wow, yes! She is amazing! :D
      Tell her I admire her artwork immensely! :)
      Ooo, that'll be great! I'll be watching for it! :D (She also drew Trevor and Marin, right?)

      Delete
    4. I completely blanked out on that- yes, she is the artist who did Trevor and Marin's profile pictures. Trevor and Marin are real nice people in real life. I think she had fun doing those pictures. :) I can't believe I forgot about that... I think it was because she did them so long ago that I spaced out. ;)

      Delete
    5. I thought she was the one who drew them. ;)
      Mister Trekker and Marin seem like they'd be loads of fun to talk to. :)

      Delete
  5. *laughs out loud*. This was hilarious! I love, love, LOVE it when characters come to life (as you probably know B-) Please do more! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/22/2015

      Well, there is more where that comes from, m'dear. You don't know what you're asking for. *Evil laugh*
      As the instigator of this idea, I had Nicolai develop a page simply for this purpose: http://emilybmcconnell.blogspot.com/p/hijacked.html

      Delete
    2. You too, Rebekah? Please, please, don't applaud them for their bad behavior. I don't want them doing this all the time...
      Yes, I am aware how much you love characters coming to life. ;) I think we've both experienced this before...

      Delete
  6. This was hilarious!!! Please do more of these! Nice job Dzherri and Nicolai!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/25/2015

      Your approval is received and we won't come after you,

      Delete
    2. You too, Faith? How many times do I have to tell you people- don't encourage bad behavior! ;)

      Delete
    3. Thanks Dzherri!

      Delete
  7. Well, well, well. It's difficult to know what to say about this post. For one, if I say that it was fun to read, Emily will scold me for encouraging them. For two, if I say it was terrible and those responsible for such unseemly behavior (knocking someone out so they can highjack their blog) should be severely dealt with, then I'll have the bad guys threatening me. Hmm, tis hard to know what to say . . . :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dzherri5/26/2015

      You are wise, miss Rebekah, not to mess with us. Excellent decision not to reprimand our ways, otherwise we should have dealt with you most severely.

      Delete
    2. Well, I appreciate your thoughtfulness, Rebekah, in staying neutral. Works for me. ;) Dzherri, I'm going to send Warren after you if you don't shape up and STAY OFF MY BLOG.

      Delete
    3. Dzherri5/26/2015

      Ohhh, I would love to see you try.

      Delete
    4. Okay, that's it. WARREN!

      Delete
    5. Dzherri5/26/2015

      Nicolai and I have found work elsewhere and will be crashing back here soon. Good day.

      Delete
  8. Emily, learn Jiu-Jitsu. Then you can knock them over and get them on the floor before they take over your blog! I managed to get a much large instructor onto the floor in the position where he is dragging me backwards...by the neck! Look into it-it is SO cool!
    Indi
    Bad guys-I learned how to fight back, so I won't place nicely with you!!! I don't care about your threats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good advice. I should do that. Dimitri has been teaching me Hopak, so I'm learning some martial arts. :)

      Delete
    2. Well, this is self-defense based martial arts, all relying on leverage. That way I can get away from folks much stronger and bigger than I am!

      Delete

Thanks for reading my blog, and I hope you enjoyed this post! If you have any comments or thoughts you'd like to share I'd love to hear from you! But do be thoughtful of others and please, no swearing or badmouthing, or I'll have to delete the comment. Thank you!