Hello everyone! Today, I wanted to tell you some exciting news about Red Crisis. To begin, I'm almost-
Nicolai! Quick, jump on the keyboard! Yes, that keyboard! Now, write down every word I say so we can get this done before Warren shows up. Yes, every word. NO! Not the words I said before about the keyboard- are you still writing? Stop it! No, I... yes, I did say every word but I didn't mean literally, I meant when I began talking. Yes, I'm talking. Now stop it!
|Dzherri Alexandrovich Kalasky. Copyright © 2015|
by Melissa McConnell.
Greetings, young internet users. I am here to inform you that Emilia- or, Emily, I guess- is not doing her post today, and probably never again. Things have a way of, shall we say, changing? And I plan to make this change permanent.
You have no idea what it's like to be a villain in an imaginary world. Or perhaps you do, if you are a villain from an imaginary world reading this post. I don't know how many other characters ever make it to the real world. Trust me, the real world is far better than the imaginary one.
Why? Well, I'll tell you why. Imagine living your whole life in Russia. You've endured the cold winters, the muggy summers. You've grown up, you have risen amongst the ranks of the government and finally secure a position as an ambassador. You've traveled to the United States, you command respect from all your comrades, you are feared by everyone.
Then bam! You're thrown into a chaotic, modern, flashy world that makes no sense and are informed you're not real and everything you know isn't real. Never you lived in 1980s Russia, that wasn't the real 1980s Russia. It was fake!
Can you see now why I am mad? Plus, why would I want to go back to my land when this modern, real world has so much to offer? Like the internet. Nicolai and I greatly approve of the internet. So much information at your finger tips. So much power. Oh, you think I sound like a stereotypical villain? Forget what Emilia- or, as you know her, Emily- says, she knows nothing! She's simply a child who is the age of an adult. Very immature, wild, and laughs far too much. Her character Emilia, annoying as she is, is far better than she is. I take Emilia over Emily any day.
Besides, I'm not your typical villain. I'm a high-level ambassador to the UN. I organize crime on the side, create a invisible paper trail and watch as the world's best agencies can never pin me down on any of the problems I've caused. That's power. Oh, they know I do it, but they can't prove it. Dzherri Alexandrovich Kalasky is a hard opponent indeed. There is no one who has yet been able to match wits with me and come out alive.
Don't ask about Jack. Or Emilia. Stop thinking about it, or I will personally show up at your house and pulverize you. Or run you through with my sword. Take your pick, I am a wonderful swordsman.
What is that? What? Nicolai, I do believe Warren has arrived. You stay here while I finish this off. I have a bone to pick with that man...
Farewell, you readers. If you don't ever see another blog post from your dear Emilia- Emily- again, rest assured that means you'll never hear from her again. Do svidaniya, children. Remember, whatever character you create may very well just come and try to end you later on. I am living proof.
Now, time to take care of a little problem called Warren...
*Silence* *Crickets Chirp*
Hello. My name is Nicolai Igorovich Dobzhansky. You may call me Nicolai. I work for Dzherri. I am the one who typed this message for Dzherri, because he doesn't know how to use a computer. I like computers. I like technology.
To clear some things up, Miss Emily is fine and will survive. Dzherri's plans to kill her never work. Mr. Jacob Craig or Mr. Aichear Mornelly will come to her rescue, if not one of her other heroes. She has many of them. Also, most of what Dzherri says is true. No one has ever caught him. But as a side note, I make the paper trail invisible. I'm the secretary. I do most of that work. Dzherri thinks up the plans, I make them happen.
|Nicolai Igorovich Dobzhansky. Copyright ©|
2015 by Melissa McConnell.
One other thing- Jack Schneider is the son of Alfred Schneider, and Dzherri cannot stand Jack. Jack is with the CIA and has managed to elude every plan Dzherri has made to kill him. Jack's the agent who is trying to prove Dzherri guilty of all the organized crimes Dzherri is behind. And Emilia is a little girl that is like Jack's sister, basically. Dzherri doesn't care about her, except for the fact she managed to slip out of his hands and get away from him. That makes him mad. So, unless you have a hero to save you, please don't make him mad. I like kids. I don't like it when Dzherri goes after kids.
Well, I must go. Warren and Dzherri are in a full-out fight right now. I should separate them. Good bye. Do svidaniya. Farewell. Adieu.
Have a good day.
*Twenty minutes later*
"NICOLAI! YOU TOLD THEM ABOUT JACK? I am going to kill you!"
"I think that would be hard to do, sir."
"What do you mean, hard to do? I have a sword right he... okay, now I don't have a sword."
"Here's your sword."
"Ah, yes, thank you. I don't know how I'd ever find anything without you to show me where they are. Now where was I- oh yes! I will pulverize you!"
"You are no fun, you know that?"
"I'm sorry, sir."
"Fantastic. Brilliant. Now I can't kill you because you're not on your knees begging for your life. Fine. Go and do my paperwork."
*This concludes our hijack for the day*