Friday, November 10, 2017

Goodbye, Old Friend

To say the least, the last several months have been trying. Hard. Difficult.

But also filled with lots of blessings I never would have dreamed or expected.

Since my last post in June (or was it July?), I have since gotten most of my food allergies under control and confirmed, which has been a huge blessing and a praise to the Lord that we now know why I was so sick. Yet, today, the reason I come back to you after such a long absence is because it is time to say farewell to a major part of this blog.
Bodie doing his favorite thing---sticking his nose
where it doesn't belong!

This past week, my "Baby Bowdie Bow Bar Boy" has passed on.

You all know that Bodie has been instrumental in my life, he has been there with me through the last four years I've owned him and longer. He has taught me so much about myself, about horses, and most importantly, about the Lord above we serve. Bodie has been my adventuring partner, my best friend, and he was always there for me.

This past Spring I made the decision to retire Bodie from riding once I realized how much his arthritis was bothering him. Dear ol' Bodie refused to believe he was in pain, he simply kept pushing through it and wanting to run anyway. It was one evening that I was riding that I could feel his shoulders cringing from the weight on his back, and yet he kept cantering like nothing was wrong with him. I got off that evening with a heavy heart and knew it was time to call it quits, I wanted Bodie around as long as possible.
Bodie loved playing on his tire. It was
his favorite thing to do.

This summer, due to my work, my own personal life and the fact Bodie couldn't go out on walks without limping led me to spend not nearly enough time with him. I wish I had, but looking back I also see I was pretty distracted with some major things going on that kept me fairly busy. All the while, I noticed Bodie seemed just a little worse off, he limped just a little more, he seemed a little less peppy.
Bodie was such a willing mover and loved to canter and go fast. He collected so well and enjoyed a good ride as much as I did.

Throughout October it was becoming increasingly obvious Bodie was starting to have trouble getting up and down. I found marks on his knees that I found quite suspicious, if I was correct these marks were from trying to get up after laying down. I called the vet out to ask some questions, and he confirmed the things I was worried about. Bodie's arthritis had spread to all of his legs and it was to the point not even medication would help, other than to make him comfortable.
Bodie loved being roped. Don't ask why, he loved being roped,
he found it hilarious!

I was going to buy the medication, and try to pull him through the winter, when last week as my dear friend Luka and I sat outside watching the sunset, we noticed Bodie leaning on the fence.

"He's leaning on the fence because he can't support his back legs," I whispered as I realized what I was watching.

Luka trying to convince Bodie he has no more treats.
Bodie didn't quite believe him though. ;) The "boys"
got along very well.
Bodie was literally leaning his backside against the fence so his back legs could tilt up a little, and he was struggling to hold his balance. It was then that I knew I couldn't try to pull him through the winter. It wasn't fair, he was doing poorly. He couldn't even support himself correctly.

I have been so blessed to spend so much time with my baby Bowdie Bow Bar Boy, to have so many fond and good memories with him. And to have such a wonderful family, neighbors and friend to support me when we took him to the vet this past Tuesday to have him put down. That morning I convinced myself not to cry, I couldn't cry in front of Bodie or he would get upset. And even though I was taking my horse to what felt to me an awful lot like his doom, that morning Bodie just seemed to tell me it was time.

He could hardly walk when I called him over to load him up in the trailer, his legs were bothering him so much. We loaded him up and took separate vehicles to follow the trailer up, my sister riding with her boss who had come to help us out by picking Bodie up, Luka and I in his truck and the neighbor who had given me Bodie following in her vehicle. We arrived at the clinic and unloaded Bodie, and to my surprise he didn't fuss about the other horses around or try to call for horsie friends, he simply stood there quietly and sniffed the ground, occasionally pawing at the pavement to be ornery.
Getting some last photos with Bodie on Monday. He wasn't very cooperative,
though I tried my best. He was attempting to bite the camera in this one.

But he was quiet. He was tired. He was in pain, and he was done.

I am glad God gave me those little confirmations I was doing the right thing, I was so worried I'd have reservations, that I would feel like I'd done the wrong thing, or worse, what if I had done the wrong thing?
Bodie was always very regal in pictures. He
was probably the most photogenic horse I knew.

But as we had Bodie sedated and had him led to where he needed to stand, I could just tell by looking into his quiet, sleepy eyes that he was done.

I didn't stay for when Bodie was euthanized, I was too afraid I'd get upset and traumatized if Bodie were to fall and jerk around. So when the vet told me it was time to go, I hugged my Bodie monster good bye and he sorta rubbed his head against me a little.

"Be a good Bodie monster," I told him as cheerfully as I possibly could, and followed Luka back to the truck.

Bodie and his best friend, Rylee. These two were best buds
from the minute the met, they never fought. <3
It was only until we were down the driveway that I could finally start crying. I was later told it was then that Bodie slipped away peacefully and didn't panic or suffer at all.

I will miss my Bodie boy so much. I have decided not to get another horse at this time, I just don't see it as a good idea or the right time in my life to be thinking about another horse. And besides, there will only be one Bodie in my mind, and he was my first horse.

And for now, my only horse.

I will miss you, Bodie, so much. You were my protector, my fellow adventurer, and I was your girl. We got into a lot of trouble together, we didn't get along all the time, but we never gave up, did we? We dreamed and we dreamed big, and for the most part we accomplished those dreams. You took me to the mountains I always dreamed of riding, you and I did our first competition together, and you showed me what it meant to overcome fear and to persist like I had never persisted before.

Thank you for the adventures, Bodie.  I hope you're enjoying your gallop in the never ending pasture, free of pain, where you can buck and neigh and be silly to your heart's delight. Don't terrorize everyone too much, okay?

Thank you for everything. I love you so much. Farewell, old friend. <3

Bowdie Bow Bar

Spring of 2009                              Fall of 2017

Friday, July 7, 2017

The Long Medical Update

Some of you may recall about a month and a half ago I posted about having some health issues. During that time I was also struggling a lot with bouts of nausea, anxiety, depression, things I generally don't normally struggle with. I tend to be more of a worrier than I should be and the Lord has certainly been teaching me to give everything to Him and surrender all need to know how things will go, but there seemed to be something else going on that I just couldn't pinpoint.

That is until the last couple weeks, when it became apparent I couldn't go on pushing the fact I was really struggling out of my mind anymore. I needed answers.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

It's Someone's Birthday Today...

And that someone happens to be a very good friend of mine, one I know doesn't often share when her birthday is for the sake of being modest and private.

Someone who cares so deeply for others and often stands in the sidelines giving encouragement.

Someone who dedicates herself to her writing and research, does everything she finds to do with all her might, and is probably the most mature young woman I've ever met.

Someone who loves the Lord and encourages everyone to do the same.

Someone all of you know well and love dearly, and enjoy just as much as I do.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

The Faith-Killing Ladder

Did you know there’s a ladder out there that each of us will climb down that’s a “faith-killer” ladder?
It’s a different ladder for each of us, but once we begin to climb down that ladder we will fall into a pit of all sorts of issues, and it’s a hard ladder to climb back up.
Each of us has a different faith-killer ladder. It’s a ladder that makes us doubt God or believe lies about God, a ladder that causes our relationship with God to become tainted.
How many of you struggle with a faith-killer ladder?
I would imagine all of you do, but today I want to share my faith-killer ladder and the three steps on that ladder that lead down to my pit.
They are known as Worry, Anxiety and Fear.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Pen Pal Shout Out

I was thinking today how blessed I am.

While lying on my bed this afternoon I was contemplating my growing friendship with fellow blogger and writer, Ivy Rose, whom if you follow her blog are aware she underwent surgery today. I was praying for her a lot and just wondering how she was doing, when I got to thinking how I met Ivy.

And how I met Jesseca.

And how I met Megs, Kai and Tiff.

And how I met Kaitlyn K. and Rebekah Eddy.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017


When I look and see what my last post was, I am reminded of a quote I saw the other day by C.S. Lewis.
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different..."

It's been a long time, blog readers. A very long time, but I think I'm ready to take the step to get back into blogging. And I'm glad. These last couple months have been difficult, but God is good, and He's taught me sooo much that I want to share with you.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017


Dear readers,

I am currently going to be taking a leave of absence, despite the fact I made a goal to write a blog post every week. I think I need to take a break (sigh, again) to reevaluate some things in my life that are rapidly changing.

My work situation has changed. My horse situation has majorly changed. Life in my family has changed. And, yes, even my writing has changed to the point I feel I need to refocus and figure out what my writing goals even are.

Thank you readers, for understanding, for always being an encouragement, and your continuous support. It means the world to me. :)

God bless and take care!